forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well
I am 24 years old and I already feel like I have too much to remember. I don’t know how to explain it I just have so much I don’t want to remember and I know so many people with worse things to remember and it’s not breaking them. I think maybe I’m just addicted to remembering things maybe. I’m a lot better about it now but maybe that’s why I feel worse. Maybe I’m bottling them up and that’s why they are choking me. No one has been with me long enough to tell me what happened or if I was right. I guess that’s just a wish that someone else will sort it all out and tell me what objectively happened. That doesn’t exist I only have what I know and what I saw and what I did. And I can’t climb out of my own head and I think it would hurt to know everyone’s perspective. I have a very stupid need to be perfectly good and sometimes I look at everything I’ve ever done and everywhere I’ve ever been and I think oh my god maybe I can’t live with this. Maybe I messed up this try too bad and then I remember the trees and the rain and my boyfriend and my friends and I cry because I would miss them so much and I didn’t used to feel like that when I thought that way so I’m grateful but so much of me is afraid that I am going to have another few terrible years with more terrible memories. How am I supposed to drag more weight and still be any kind of good. I am so afraid of becoming unbearable to be around. I am afraid I already feel like I am sometimes. But I know sometimes I am still nice to be around and that I try to think about nice things. I can’t think about nice things I’ve done because I feel like that’s just me trying to trick me into thinking I’m good and I’m not. I keep going though I am not good but I keep going
Yeah you’re right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.
